RANDOM

This is a throwback.. before the blogspot i decided to put on here for my new found blogging friends!

On many nights, I drive in my car with the music loud, so when I try to hit the highest notes, I feel like I'm Whitney. I like to get lost in my car. Lost in deep thought. In my car, I make up scenerios of how I would want my success to come about. You know, like that "great story" that your friends would tell about you, on your own documentary featured on OETA. Like one day I was walking down the streets of New York, after leaving my third side job, a man stops to help me find the quarter I dropped that I of course need to catch the train, and I look up to find that its Bob Dylan asking me to be apart of his new reality show called "who wants to be a farmer/dancer/biscuit baker". And I cry, because I know I'm so great at all of those things..I get on the show and my brilliant personality lands me the biggest and most talked about role in one of the greatest movies since, since.... "Forest Gump". I win an Oscar and even write my own book. I don't even need an editor. I get married to basically a God, and we have five children. Two of them are quarterbacks for 5 time Superbowl Championship Teams, (yes both on different teams, and both of them have 5 rings), 1 is a doctor who invents the "body transplant", like full body; hair, balls, legs, the whole shabang. 1 is a drug addict, (got to be realistic, atleast ones a fuck up), and the other becomes the first man to fly to Saturn on a motorized broom stick. We both die at 108, with all of our teeth, and in our sleep.... But then I look up and I find myself in a parking space, wondering how I got there. I sit for awhile, take a deep breath, get out of the car, and enter back into the reality of it all. LIFE. I go to my bed where I lay alone forced to worry about all of my endless responsibilities. All of my dumb insecurities. All of my past. All of the poverty. All of racism. All of the confusion and stupidity. All of the dreams I have that just seem like dreams. All of the things I could turn to, like drugs or vodka. All of the money I don't have. All of the reasons why no matter what I have it never seems quite enough. All of the lies. All of the crime. All of the damn time. And I say, "Shit, I think ill just take a drive to the walmart in Yukon." Yeah I'm stupid.

loves and (dis)loves if you will

Things i love..

• Prailines and cream ice cream
  
• the smell of breakfast on a saturday morning
• strong drinks with no taste of alcohol
• The movie, "Coming to America"
• sex with someone i love.
  
• designs on my toenails
• The theme song for Family Matters
  
• The hopes that someone with a conscious and concern for mankind will be the next President.
• Taking my bra off at the end of the day
• The sight of kids laughing, dancing, and being loved, because it reminds me of how wonderful life can be without worries of LIFE.
• The fresh Prince of Bel Air
• Pay Day
• R & B in the 70's, 80's and 90's
  
• The Fourth of July
• Terrell Owens, Chad Johnson, and Randy Moss, just for putting excitement back in football.. Because isnt the game merely for OUR entertainment.
• OPRAH
• Orbit gum, any flavor
• The line in Napolean Dynamite, that says, "....your mom goes to college."
• Making fun of Tyra on, America's Next Top Model.
• The dancing I do in my head.

Things i (dis) love.....

• LIARS.
  
• Snakes and anything that looks like one.
• The fact that people live and die by jay-z. (Pretty much every album puts me to sleep accept for maybe 3 songs total)
• not having any AC during the summer.
• LOSER ASS MEN! I'm allergic to them.
  
• The fact that Micheal Jackson has lost his mind, because the music industry is in desperate need of some change.
• Cats. Sit when tell you to sit. Get off of the counter when I tell you to. Its like having a bunch of bad ass kids.
• Guys with braids.
• White boys with tight shirts.
• the song "Low"
• Ray-J
• The fact that I still have to buy batteries.
• GASOLINE in general.
• DR. PHIL
  

More to come, but its all i could come up with tonight.

Who is he?

Last night I met a man. He was 100 ft tall. He could open doors for me to the enitire universe. His eyes were similar to me, full of life and truth. He could see my future clear as a crystal. His spectrum would reveal a path of life that aligned perfectly as the planets do . His mouth could speak only powerful words of encouragement and beauty. His glowing eloquence would burn in my soul as intense as the elements of the skies in Mars. His arms could stretch a mile long. He could retrieve anything I imagine. He would stand on the tips of his toes and pull me out wisdom of the Sun. His chest would be made up of tiny particles of love, strength, and integrity. He could guard my heart with the dust of his bones. They would protect me from any meteor shower of deceit and heartache. He would only reveal those who possess unconditional love and honesty from an atmosphere of only my best interest. He was a REAL man. I remember him like his flame burned within my soul. Like every time I smiled you could see the universe glow. My dreams tell me he lies within me. Despite my humility he sees me through. Makes promises he can keep, and tell stories of truth. He hugs me when I'm blue, and soothes me when times due. He's my omega and my queen. He lives in me. The change of my sadness. He's king of my gladness. You all would call him him happiness.

Thank God for...

Thank god for Strawberry flavored Vodka, cause 10 shots of that is way better than 7 of regular. Thank god for high waisted jeans cause I'm tired of my ass crack showing. Thank god for spare tires (donuts acorse), they can last up to months, son!! Thank god for any fast food that's open past 2am. Thank god for Gangsta Rap, because sometimes I just wanna say, "bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks". (Bitches. Pertaining to men of course). Thank god for friends, because when I talk it seems more like pouring my heart out and less like complaining. Thank god for "Fresh Prince of Bel Air", reminds me of once upon a time when there were no bills and my biggest problem was what to wear on the first day of school. Thank God for Facebook, Myspace, Music videos, Walmart, Award Shows, and the clubs, because without them I can't have judgemental conversations about people and their outfits, shoes, facial expression, future husbands (or secret husbands), weaves, and of course performances to make me feel better about myself. Thank God for Baseball and Golf Season, its just a constant reminder to get my ass off of the couch and to do something other than watch T.V. because everything on T.V. will put me straight to sleep. Thank God for Greys Anatomy, nothing more to be said. Thank God for Old Navy, because cheap and decent is in, in 2008. Thank God for tights and leggings because everyone. no matter the size seems to have enough self esteem to put them on. Self-esteem is good! Thank God for Amy Winehouse, good music and GREAT laughs! Thank God casual sex isn't so bad anymore. Thank God coffee isn't just for the morning. So needless to say, "Starbucks" is heaven. Thank God you can walk into 7-Eleven dressed as a welfare check cashin, veitnam veteran bein, clown suit wearin, R.V. drivin, leather coat in the summer time doin, Uggs with courdaroy rockin, rollers in you are hair havin, snaggle tooth danglin bum, because I'd never go. Thank God for bar-b-que, because life would never seem priceless. Thank God for struggle, because my name would just be Barney and Friends. Thank God for "soft rock"; like "Lady in Red" and "You Mean the World to Me", because love would be pointless. Thank God for parks, because I would never get the "don't talk to strangers" speech. Thank God for, tweezers, mirrors, magazines, models, clothes, and IKEA, because I'd have no obsessions.

THANK GOD, I'm alive and well. I better get over the rest of my so called "hardships". Life aint so bad, I'm sure another episode of "I Love NY" is coming on!

Why not run a yellow light?

I say, fuck the yellow light! The yellow light tells me a lot about Garrett A. Morgan. He's a wuss! I wants nothing in between. Go or stop. Stop or go. Go, go , go. Stop, stop, stop. Yellow lights are for losers and pansies, pansies and losers. If it were up to me, lights would have no existence. We'd just jump in the car and drive that bitch like Jeff Gordan with the Texas Giant as the track, and 2 fat people in the back, named Chrilife and Deathisha. You stop and I go, I go and you stop, I go and you go. Crash, crash, crash. Hopefully I would had went out the night before and drank until I was on top of tables showing my tits, yelling out profanity that even HBO can't play, and dancing as if my life depended on it, all while in Rio De Janeiro, sippin' Caipirinhas and playing the guitar with Pharrell and Snoop, shooting the "Beautiful Part 2" video. You know living life the way everyone secretly wants to live, but too damn afraid. Scared some lightening bolt will fall from the sky, and strike you down, and in fear that now life as you know it is more fucked up then it was before. I just wanna go 60 mph and then stop, stop, stop and slam on my brakes for dear life. everyone in the car with me...their lives will flash, flash, and flash before their eyes, including the kids and the dog. I sit waiting, waiting, and waiting , for the light to turn green, so that I can put the gas so far down life's throat, I put my foot up my own ass. I go, go, go, so fast i can smell rubber. I know that no matter how fast I go I know there will be yet another light waiting for my ass, just so I can slam on the breaks again, again, and again. Am I stopping or going?

Maybe I'll STOP.
Should I pay my cell phone bill?

But damn GO seems better.
Should I say FUCK IT, Im going to the club. Which means I'll have just enough to get me a new pair of earrings and a cheap shirt from Charlotte. Hoping, just hoping it will freshin up these stale ass clothes from two years ago when I pulled this same stunt.

This time I'm gonna STOP.
Maybe I should wear a condemn?

Man, It's been awhile, I say GO.
Or should I literally FUCK IT and just raw dog it? I mean I took her out for a drink she paid for, and pretended to listen to her go on and on about wanting to be a model/baton twirler, while i stared at her nipples peeking through her shirt. Praying, just praying the pull out method will work, because I hate the last two kids I got.

STOPPING.
Should I go to work on time today?

GOING FAST.
Maybe Ill just say FUCK IT and sleep in just a little bit longer? Its better that way, teach "the man" whos really running shit. Guessing, just guessing my boss doesnt work today, to see that Im 30 minutes late for the 4th time, on probation, and out of uniform wearing the white and baby blue Jordans i borrowed from the homie, instead of these ugly ass black dress shoes i bought from Payless with pancake batter on it from my second job at the Waffle House.

STOP to the 3rd power.
Should I eat yet another salad?

GO GO GADGET.
I say I warm-up the entire batch of Krispy Kreme donuts, put 6 on a plate, add ice cream, and eat it with a spatula until my tummy hurts so bad, and wake up to find out im late for work a-damn-gin. No? Even if I start my diet tomorrow that consists of any diet pill that promises I loose at least 15 pounds in a 10 days, water pills, protein gum, and the new exercise machine you sleep in that requires nothing but 6 hours of sleep a day to shed inches? What if I start right after my nap? I should definitely choose STOP on this one.

STOP it.
Should I communicate clearly and affectively today?

GOOOOOOOOO.
Or should I just say to hell with this? and drive my car right through the double doors of Walmart and run over the three check out ladies, and the 40 million costumers standing in line with their bad ass kids and baskets full of fruit loops, Swiffer refills, and "Sam's Choice" bottled water followed by a drive by electronics to snatch up a flat screen for the living room and the bathroom, where i will of course see at least 3 losers I went to high school with and not only will i run over them but reverse and run over them again for doing the same shit they were doing in high school still 'til this day. Clearly driving my car into the store will just get my groceries into the car faster, anyways.

STOP in the name of love.
Should I just purchase gas with some spare change?

GOING very fast.
I think i should just pump it and get them back next time.Maybe? What'd you say mister gas pump machine? Pre-pay or credit card only? Well damn... I only have 6 quarters and I was really hoping to cash that in to the car wash to wash my 20's, plus my credit card was maxed a trip to Ted's, nail salon, and three shirts ago, but if I have at least $2 in my checking account the debit card will be approved, and although Bank of America charges $33 in over draft fees, I'll just pay them back next friday when I get paid. works for me.

Always STOPPING and GOING. go, go, go and stop, stop, stop. go, stop, go. An infinite number of different ways to position our gos and stops. Hopefully I'll stop the same time and place LeBron James stops. If not, I guess you'll do.

fears are as pointles as life without love

sometimes i get scared, like everyone, i have fears. Everyday, as im growing, experiencing, and pretending to be going after what it is i know i want, im afraid. Afraid that the script that plays in my head is never going to be heard, let alone seen, and only through the highest gates, would they ever be awarded. In my little head I see greatness, and the story i tell can move mountains sized larger than anyone can measure. But I fear, unlike myself, TIME, with its persistence and endurance despite change, is passing me by effortlessly. As eager as i am for change, i fear that im misguided through life due to lack of strength on my part, and change cant come soon enough.. Why the dismay, des? Why are you not as whole as it appears on the outer layers? i ask.

I hear my cry when Im dancing, but what do they listen to? I feel the rhythm in my soul, but why is it they can only hear the music? I can see the lines I stretch for moments that are infinite, but do they see them dim at my very last finger tip? Who am i? I know what I am inside, but what is stopping me from bringing it to surface.

The fear lies in the fact that I am the only power holding me back, and I cant place my tongue on the words to tell me otherwise.

I can't let time grow as i wither..

I must shine tomorrow.